Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on
the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my
rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ........ whether
you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
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Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary! The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting
you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As
Ever " "Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a
headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
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Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in
bed either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he
realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband
says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?" She says, "I was
in bed." "In bed this early, doing what?" "Getting a second
opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
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Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is
so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six"
in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man
decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife
is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall
we go home 'Mother of Six?' His wife, irritated by her husband's
lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father
of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
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Marriage (Part V)
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at
5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next
morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had
missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife
hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The
paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have
created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before
the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN
HANDLE IT
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