TO KILL A LION COMPANIES FOLLOWS METHOD
Nucleus Software Method:
Hire a Lion, and give him salary of a RAT.
Give him work on all Technology except for which he was hired.
No work on week days and Call him on Sat-Sun with out Overtime/ Comp-Off,
and tell him to stay late w/o work to show this onsite team. .
Lion will suicide in frustration.
Keane Method:
Hire a lion....
Place him in "QRU"(Bench) for 1 year
Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET <http://asp.net/> to JAVA or Powerbuilder
Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......
Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more ........
TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
IBM's method:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....
he dies of unemployment. ..
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat ....
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
MBT method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain?
i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
COSL Method:
hire a lion ..
tell him to merge with Goats (polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tommorrow he might become a goat....
Polaris Method :
hire ...sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....
Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........! !!!
Accenture Method:
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die
INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION.....
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
............ .......... ......... ............ ......... KING OF THE JUNGLE! :-)
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
..............................
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
............... .......... ........ ............ ......CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
..............................
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
............ .......... ......... ............ ......MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE ... :-):-)
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
No comments:
Post a Comment